Did You Get the Memo?

Don't make the Caliph angry.  You won't like it when he sends his Secret Police and Revolutionary Guard to you in the middle of the night.  [Note to self: Conscript and organize the SP&RG 'cause I really need to sleep instead of spend my nights posting night letters on doors.  There are just too many doors.]

When I told my "former" supervisor at Walmart that I am now Caliph of All the World and I won't be able to stock shelves and sweep floors at Walmart anymore, he just laughed and told me to get back to work.

My so-called "land lord" laughed at me, too, when I told him I didn't have to pay rent.

Walmart wasn't laughing so much when they told me I had to pay for the cartload of groceries.  Why should the Caliph have to pay for groceries?  For that matter, why is the Caliph shopping in the first place?  I should have menions for that, henchmen who hench and such.  I had to take the 3 cartloads of electronics back 'cause I didn't have enough money for all of those flatscreen TVs and laptops and DVDs and iPod Touches.

The County Sherrif's Deputy was not very amused as I tried to explain to the clerk at Chevron that, as Caliph, I get all of my gas free of charge.

What is wrong with these people?  Don't they know I am Caliph of All the World?  Didn't they get the memo?

Note to self: Get the Caliphate Council up and running, especially the PR dude/dudette.  The PR dude/dudette really needs to get the memo out to everyone so there will be no further "confusion" about such matters.

Plus, the world owes me back pay for my time as Caliph.  In order to end poverty, I am only demanding US$100K per day.  Come on.  That's not that much really.  Especially when compared with the deficit of the United States of America.

That reminds me---I really need to get my budget guys/gals to work.  Can you imagine the cost of beauty products for my harem?  Really need those budget guys/gals on that right away.

BTW, Walmart says I have to be back there tomorrow, too.  So, for now, this Caliph continues to play the pauper, mingling with the little people.  Little people in the sense of "not much money/power/influence," not literal...  Oh, you know what I mean.  Don't pretend you don't.

Gary Gray, Caliph of All the World, Supreme Leader for Time and for All Eternity